Cockeyed - Stevenson Richard (прочитать книгу .txt) 📗

Hunny and Art both stood up as a tiny middle-aged woman wearing a blue business suit, a pink ruffled collar and a huge brooch that looked like a sea urchin came striding up the corridor.

“That’s Mrs. Kerisiotis,” Hunny said. “When Mom went missing, she came in, even though it’s Sunday.”

I was introduced by name but not title or function, and Mrs.

Kerisiotis said to Hunny, “Did you telephone your mother early this morning, Huntington?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Your mother’s roommate, Nola Conklin, says your mom received a phone call at about a quarter of eight. Nola was half asleep and she couldn’t make out what was said. It wasn’t long after that that Rita left the room in her wheelchair. She was dressed only in her nightie and bathrobe, so of course any staff seeing her headed down the hall would have thought she was going in the direction of the lounge or the game room. Can you ask around among friends and relatives and try to find out who might have phoned her?”

“Yes, I will do that. Oh God.”

“Huntington, there is still no sign of your mother, and I think I will have to notify the sheriff ’s department. Some of our staff have even walked up and down the highway asking if any neighbors might have noticed your mum, but no one reported seeing her. I am so, so sorry this has happened. I think that Rita may have been determined to leave the building, and cleverly she took advantage of the front desk shift change at eight o’clock.

She has certainly never done such a thing before. Has she talked to you at all about wanting to leave Golden Gardens or of wanting to go to a particular place?”

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“No,” Hunny said. “Mom has always said this place suits her. I mean, she says it’s boring and smells bad and the food is revolting and sometimes she feels like she would just as soon be rotting in a grave as rotting in a nursing home. But she says most of the staff are nice, and the heating system works fine in the winter.”

“Yes, she seems to like it here, and Rita is well-liked by both the staff and the other residents. Now, Mrs. Conklin told me your mom became agitated while watching the six o’clock news on TV yesterday evening. I know that you have been in the news, and I am wondering if she may have become upset over a report on you and your lottery prize and these Albany people who are trying to have your prize revoked. Did she not mention anything about this to you?”

Hunny looked stricken and reached for his cigarettes and then quickly put them back. “No, but she means to tell me things and then things slip her mind. She has mentioned that this happens.

So she might have seen me being maligned by those religious nut cases and she decided to give them a piece of her mind or something. That would be just like Mom.”

“Mother Rita is a cheerful lady who likes to have her bit of fun,” Art said. “But she doesn’t suffer fools, either.”

Hunny said, “I wonder if she went to find the fPAAC people and tell them off. But how would she even know who they were or where to find them? Now I’m really worried. Maybe the sheriff ’s people could look for her wherever the fPAAC idiots are.

Do they have an office, or a den, or a nest, or what? And Donald, girl, you could check out fPAAC, too, and maybe infiltrate them or keep an eye on them or something.”

“I’ll add them to my list. This afternoon I may visit the Brienings in Cobleskill. But if your Mom doesn’t turn up soon, she’ll be my first priority.”

Hunny grabbed his cigarettes and in the same motion jammed them back in his shirt pocket. “I almost forgot about the putrid Brienings. Good grief, maybe they kidnapped Mom. Called her up and lured her outside and then whisked her away!”

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Art said, “Why would they do that, luv?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Because I’m rich and famous. Like when those people snatched Frank Sinatra Junior or the Getty kid.”

“But those were for the ransom. The Brienings don’t need Mother Rita to extort money from you. They’ve got that letter instead.”

Mrs. Kerisiotis said, “Who are the Brienings?”

I could all but see the wheels spinning inside Hunny’s head and the terror he felt over the possibility of his mother’s being revealed in Golden Gardens as a thief. He said, “They’re people Mom had some trouble with a long time ago. It was an argument over a breaded zucchini recipe.”

“It’s hard to imagine your mother having a long-standing disagreement with anyone, Huntington. She is generally such a cheery lady. She can be outspoken, of course, and she has her opinions. And she doesn’t like to be bothered with Depends.

But five minutes after she lets off steam, she is back to being as sweet as can be. The aides all love Rita. She tells them stories that I would consider off-color, but the staff all think she is just a hoot.”

Tears welled in Hunny’s eyes. “That’s my mom.”

Now the large-breasted black man with a heavy beard and glittering earring who Timmy and I had seen on television at Hunny’s winning-the-lottery party came down the corridor in a green nurse’s outfit. His cornucopia of rhinestones still dangled from his left ear.

Hunny shouted, “Antoine!” and the two embraced and Art soon joined in the hug.

“Hunny, honey, we can’t find your mom, but I’m sure she is somewhere okay. That Rita can take care of herself, girl. You better believe it!”

“Oh, Antoine, honey, where in the world would Mom go? It sounds like she knew what she was doing — snuck out during the front desk shift change. Or maybe it wasn’t premeditated, and CoCkeyed 63

it was just a moment of opportunity and she took it. But Mrs.

Kerisiotis says you all have looked high and low, and now she’s going to call the sheriff. Oh God, please don’t let the police find her dead in a drainage ditch being gnawed on by wild dogs!”

This image seemed to spur the administrator to action, and Mrs. Kerisiotis headed into her office making speaking-into-a-receiver gestures.

“Hunny, honey, your mom is just such a dear lady, and I’m sure she is going to be back here where she belongs in no time at all.”

“Oh, Antoine, honey, I am trying to believe that.”

“Rita told us a joke the other day that had us all rolling on the floor and screaming our heads off. Did she tell you the one about the lady who led a cute bag boy out to the supermarket parking lot? The lady says to the bag boy, ‘I’m glad you came outside with me. I have to tell you, I have an itchy pussy.’ The humpy kid says to the lady, ‘Well, you’re going to have to point it out to me. All those Japanese cars look alike.’”

Hunny and Art’s laughter was so rollicking that several of the old folks staring at the floor in the corridor looked up.

“I know Mom gets on the phone with her old friend Tex Clermont once a week to trade jokes.”

“Hunny, I sure do see where you get your sense of humor.”

“Antoine, Mom has had a nice time here overall. Minus the disgusting food and so on. So I can’t begin to imagine why she would just walk out the door. It’s true, her mind is going.”

“I’ve noticed that, Hunny. But she has two or three marbles left, and on a good day she’s one hundred percent. Well, eighty-two.”

“Maybe she just went for a stroll. It’s such a sunny day out. It’s kind of hot, but Mom has never minded the heat. Or she walked down to Dairy Queen for a treat.”

“We all checked down there. But don’t you fret, Hunny.

Those girls in the sheriff ’s department will have her back here 64 Richard Stevenson

in no time at all. One time a lady made it out the door and three miles down Route 43, and the officers found her in the waiting room at Jiffy Lube reading the Troy Record. She said she liked it there because the coffee at Jiffy Lube was better than the coffee at Golden Gardens. That poor lady — her name was Turalura Butterworth — passed away a week after the sheriff brought her back here. But that was just a coincidence, I am certain.”