My Friend is an Alien - Edlund Niklas (полные книги .TXT) 📗

Amshat sniffed. "I'd say Kozik was being polite. What else?"

"Primary lifeform bipedal humanoid." said Tiri. "Population 5.3 billion at last recording."

"That's in keeping with the court report filed on Pol and Varek." said Amshat. "Any details?"

"General characteristics of populace: aggressive, divisive, and easily confused. Multiple societal types and languages."

"How odd." said Amshat. "Anything more?"

"Nuclear power used for both energy source and weaponry. Limited space exploration capabilities. Manned expeditions to natural satellite. Curious downplay of space exploration since that time. Mostly robotic probes to other worlds. Manned expeditions limited to orbital missions."

Amshat shook his head. "Idiots."

"Am — what is that horrible smell?" asked Tiri.

Amshat looked around, and finally focused on a field across from the Caulfield farm, with several cows contentedly grazing. "I think it's those creatures. Native animal life, domesticated for some purpose."

"These beings live around animals?" remarked Tiri, shuddering at the concept.

"See if the Infopad says anything about it." said Amshat. "I would be curious as to why our sons would willingly come to a world such as this."

Tiri worked the device, then curled her lip in disgust. "According to this, the people of this world keep small animals for — companionship, and use larger ones as — sources of food."

Amshat's eyes went wide and he looked at his wife. "How thoroughly repugnant. No wonder this planet is off-limits. The sooner we take care of our business here and quit this world the better. Scan for the children."

Tiri pulled a second device out of the pouch. "I have them. Three Botarans. They're behind that building. Am, are we going to have to deal with the natives?"

"Not if the boys are behind it, we're not." said Amshat. "I have no intention of addressing the locals in whatever grunts and squeaks pass for their language, let alone set foot in one of their primitive dwellings. These things look to be made of the same sort of material as the ground itself, and they don't seem especially stable. Now come on, let's get the boys."

"All right, but Am — please — watch your temper."

Amshat turned briefly towards his wife. "I always have, and look what it got us. Two runaway sons, loss of a business license, and public disgrace. Maybe it's time the boys saw something of my temper."

Amshat and Tiri carefully walked around the side of the Caulfield home, not knowing that they were being watched by Morik, who was up in a nearby tree and thoroughly camouflaged by it. It helped that the only thing he was wearing, to keep himself fully camouflaged, was a sensor deflector which Toben had pulled out of one of the more intact equipment containers. The device also had a small commlink built in. "Get ready," he whispered. "They're coming around."

Amshat and Tiri entered the backyard of the Caulfield home, to indeed find their sons sitting quietly on the porch. Their jaws nearly hit the floor, however, when they saw the condition of the boys.

Jahv was wearing an open shirt with swirls of multiple colors in it that were enough to sear the eyeballs. He also was wearing bright purple shorts with an elastic waistband, and some sort of fabric and rubber footwear the likes of which the two adults had never seen. Keyro was wearing an ill-fitting long-sleeved shirt that was a painfully bright shade of green. This was also all he was wearing, and this was obvious given that he was not seated, but rather standing near a potted plant, shirt raised in the front, and peeing into the plant. Common nudity among Botaran children was one thing. Public relieving was another matter. Toben was outfitted in a sleeveless, tight-fitting shirt, bright pink in color, and baggy trousers of some rough-looking dark blue material. Both the shirt and trousers had multiple holes worn in them.

All of this was alarming enough, but all three boys were liberally smeared with mud, but were not so covered with it that one could miss the fact that they were also thoroughly painted with a wide range of colors and symbols across their entire bodies. Amshat and Tiri both flinched when they realized the meaning of some of the symbols.

"By the twin moons of the homeworld." said Amshat under his breath.

"Hiya pop!" said Jahv, leaping over the back of one of the chairs and parking himself in it,legs spread out.

"Hi, momster!" yelped Keyro, yanking the front of his shirt down and seating himself in Jahv's lap.

"So you're these guys' oldsters, huh?" announced Toben. "Funny, I don't see much resemblance."

"Am — what — I — " Tiri was as close to speechless as her husband had ever seen her. The two approached very warily.

Jahv, however, was distinctly not speechless, as he chugged down at least half of a bottle of soda, and proceeded to cut loose with a belch that nearly knocked Amshat and Tiri out of their boots, and ruffled Keyro's hair.

"Hey, good one, Jahvy!" proclaimed Toben, "but I can beat it." said Toben, raising one leg to set it on the table and breaking wind.

"K'vat, Toben, what'd you eat to cause that!?" said Keyro, plugging his nose.

"ENOUGH!" roared Amshat. "I can see what's going on here. Very good acting, boys, but not good enough. This is all a put-on to try to delay the inevitable. Somehow, you obviously knew we were coming, and are trying to convince us that you are so far gone that we'd be better off leaving you here, although why in the name of everything Botaran you would WANT to remain here I have no idea. Nor does it matter. We will follow procedure. I will read the charges against you, and then you WILL return to the ship with us and return to face justice, even if we have to lock you in cargo containers to do it!"

"May I say just one — little — thing, before you proceed?" asked Jahv.

"If you must." said Amshat.

"You're gonna have to CATCH us first!" Like a shot, the three boys were on their feet and running off towards the woods.

Amshat scowled. So did Tiri. "Am — can't we transmat them up?"

"It's against procedure." said Amshat, shaking his head. "And I WILL teach these boys the value of procedure. But if they want to play games, so be it. Follow me. They need to be caught, we will catch them."

"In there?" said Tiri, alarmed. "Am, it's some sort of massive native plant growth. There could be disease or animals or anything in there!"

"The boys were not afraid to enter, and regardless of how they're acting, they're not idiots. Now come on, before we lose them."

Toben, Jahv, and Keyro had actually slowed their running pace. "Do those two discuss EVERYthing in advance?" asked Toben.

"Yes," said Jahv and Keyro simultaneously.

The boys heard a rustling sound behind them. "Here they come," said Toben. "About darn time!"

The boys continued to run, making sure to never quite lose sight of the adults. At the last moment, Toben broke off and ran to the right, as planned. "We'll catch him later!" he heard Amshat yell. "Focus on our own offspring."

"Yeah, you just do that," said Toben, trying not to laugh as he headed for a very specific area.

Jahv and Keyro reached the mud pool and ran across its most shallow point. They stood in the mud at the very far edge and waited for Amshat and Tiri to break through into the clearing. As expected, the two adults stopped in their tracks. "Do you think THIS will stop us?" yelled Amshat.

"Seems to have done a pretty good job of it!" yelled Jahv.

"Boys, be reasonable!" cried Tiri, although honestly, she was losing patience herself at this point.

"Reasonable!?" yelled Keyro. "And do what? Spend the rest of our childhoods at the Procyon Institute?! No thanks!"

"Now see here!" roared Amshat.

And then Jahv and Keyro casually flipped their antennae backwards. This was the Botaran equivalent of raising the second finger, except it was about ten times more insulting. Tiri almost went white with shock and anger, and Amshat started to turn more red than orange. He started to run into the mud even as Jahv and Keyro darted further into the woods, but at the last second a rope shot out of the mud pool, caught around Amshat's legs, and sent the man sprawling into the mud.