A Smuggler Tale of the Romney Marsh - Thorndike Russell (книги серии онлайн .txt) 📗

The handle of the door turned suddenly, but Imogene?s foot was not easily shifted.

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?There?s something in the way of the door, you clumsy clodhopper!? called the voice of Mrs. Whyllie from outside.

?I know there is, my love,? faltered the husband, and then to Imogene he said: ?Oh, please let her come in. She will be quiet, I?m sure.? Then in a louder tone: ?You will be quiet, won?t you, my love??

?Antony,? called the voice of the spouse, ?are you addressing yourself to that handsome girl? Are you calling her your love?? Then in a tone of doom: ?Wait till I get in!?

?Oh, dear, oh, dear, she?s misunderstanding me again. Don?t let her come in now, for heaven?s sake!? But Imogene had already opened the door and in had burst the little lady, and without heeding Imogene she rushed across the room and administered with her mittened hand a very resounding and sound box upon her husband?s ear.

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?Now perhaps you will behave yourself like a respectable married man, like an old fogey that you are, like everything in fact that you ought to be, but aren?t and never will be! Will you behave yourself now, you truly terrible old man??

?Certainly, my love,? meekly replied the lawyer, ?but do look at this young lady.?

?Sakes alive!? she exclaimed when she did look at Imogene, ?for if she hasn?t got a pistol in her hand, you?re no fool, Antony!?

?She has got a pistol in her hand, my love, and I?ll not only be a fool, but a dead fool, if you don?t find some way out of the difficulty.?

?And what is the difficulty, pray?? she asked, looking from her terrified husband to the extraordinary girl. ?Oh, keep that pistol down, will you, my dear? for there is no immediate danger of my eating you. Just because I keep this fool of a husband of mine in his place, you mustn?t think me an utter virago.?

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?I am afraid it is me that you will be thinking a virago,? answered the girl, still feigning fear in her voice, ?but indeed I cannot help myself. This unpleasant situation has been forced upon me.?

But the old lady cut in again with: ?I beseech you both to cease making melodramatic idiots of yourselves and tell me calmly and clearly what all this to-do is about. Now, Antony, speak up and tell me all about it. Come along, sir, make haste and tell me if you have any ideas left in that silly head of yours. No doubt you?ve been getting yourself into another pretty mess. Isn?t it enough for you that you go out, sir, a-driving and get robbed of your coach and cattle? I should really have thought that had been quite enough to keep you out of mischief for a day or two. But no! Here you are in trouble again. No doubt you have quite forgotten the little dinner lecture I read to you upon that occasion??

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?No, my dear, I cannot forget it, I assure you. It is still very vivid to me, I promise you.? For indeed the little old man was still very conscious of a strange feeling of slippers whenever he chanced to sit down.

?Oh, yes, you have forgotten it,? went on the irrepressible lady. ?You must have done so. Now tell me what on earth have you been doing to make this handsome girl behave in such a ridiculous fashion??

With one hand still rubbing his boxed ear and with the other holding out to his wife the terrible letter, the lawyer explained as coherently as possible the whole situation. He told the facts in a timid voice, for he was greatly troubled as to how his wife would take it, but her manner was the most shocking surprise to him, it was so entirely different from anything he might have expected, for when she heard about the press gang, she clapped her little mittens together, and, laughing aloud, urged her husband to go on with the tale which she found the most refreshing she had heard for a month of Sundays, and

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at the conclusion she gave way to the most extraordinary capers of excitement, literally tripping round and round the table, exclaiming that nothing could have been more fortunate. ?La, sir,? she cried, ?this little affair is truly a Godsend to me.?

?In whatever way?? asked the amazed lawyer.

?Why, you disproportionate dullard! Who is head of the press gang, eh? Answer me that now, and you?ve got it.?

?Captain Tuffton, isn?t it, my love?? said the lawyer.

?Captain Tuffton, of course it is,? said his wife, ?Captain Tuffton of a truth. That insufferable coxcomb, that atrociously obnoxious scent-smelling profligate on whom I shall now be able to pay off old scores.?

?Old scores, my love? Old scores??

?La, sir, have you utterly forgotten how he snubbed me at Lady Rivers?s card party and again at his lordships?s water picnic? Has that slipped your

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memory, too? How he got that appallingly painted besom of a Parisian actress to imitate me to my face? Lord love you, Mister Whyllie, I have long sworn to get even with that young idiot. Why, it was only this morning that I was puzzling out a thousand schemes all through church for his undoing, and here comes a direct answer to my prayers, and you seem to have covered yourself with the blues about it. Why, Mister Whyllie, here is not only a chance to humble him to the dust, but a most admirable occasion for his disgrace as well.?

?I am truly glad to hear you say so,? was the husband?s comment. ?But I?m danged if I can see how you are to set about it.?

?Through the help of this girl here, stupid, and by the bewitching charms of your handsome niece from India, who has returned to England with her large fortune inherited from the British East India Company.?

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The lawyer stared at his wife blankly, then genuine concern for that lady?s health getting the better of his amazement, he said: ?Can I fetch you your salts or anything, my love? Your pounce box or your vinaigrette? For I declare that you are wandering in your mind, my poor dear. I never had a niece in all my life, my love, and as for the British East India Company?well, I have heard of it, of course, but little else indeed?very little else.?

?Well, for to-day you will have to know a good deal about it,? said Mrs. Whyllie, ?so you had better step into the library and read up its history, and as to your niece, your favourite niece, you will please do me the favour of remembering that you possess her, too, sir. Now, then, Mistress,? addressing Imogene, ?as soon as this husband of mine has taken himself off, I?ll tell you your part in this affair.? Taking the hint, the lawyer beat a retreat to the library, gladly leaving the difficult business in the hands of his wife. ?Now, girl,? she went on when they were alone, ?I suppose I shouldn?t be very far wrong if I

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surmised that you are head over ears in love with this young man that the press

gang has taken, eh??

?Yes, I love him,? said the girl quietly.

?Ah!? sighed the lady, ?that?s all right, and I suppose I?m also not far out if I suppose that you would do a good deal to save him from being shipped off to the wars, eh??

?I will do anything to save him from that danger,? said the girl.

?Good!? replied the old lady. ?Then come upstairs with me.?

Out of the room and across the little hall they went, and so up the broad white staircase to the dearest little bedroom imaginable, with a small four-posted bed with chintz frills and hangings, and a dressing-table set with bright silver ornaments.