Beneath This Man - Malpas Jodi Ellen (книги серии онлайн TXT) 📗

I swing around. ‘You are more than crazy mad if you think I’m marrying you, Jesse.’ I say calmly before leaving a face full of hurt in the kitchen. I half expect to get tackled to the ground, but much to my complete surprise – and worry – I’m allowed to leave the kitchen, taking myself up to the master-suite without so much as a countdown or a Jesse style sense fuck. I’m delicate at the moment so no manhandling is possible. It’s probably killing him.

I see Cathy in my favourite spare room, dusting to her hearts content while singing Valarie. She brings a small smile to my face. Shutting the bedroom door softly behind me, I go and brush my teeth. I’ll go to work. I’m not hanging around the tower all day like a spare part and my back feels all right, if I don’t make too many sudden movements. I will just be under Cathy’s feet, and I would rather face Patrick and his certain questioning with regards to mine and Jesse’s relationship.

I flick through the rails and rails of new dresses and settle on one of my old ones. I get changed and slip my heels on before presenting myself to the mirror to put some make up on.

The bedroom door opens. ‘Where are you going?’ he asks, with a hint of apprehension in his voice. That would be the separation under his terms rule that I’m breaking.

‘I’m going to work.’

‘No you’re not.’

‘Yes, I am.’ I carry on with my make-up, ignoring his imposing body behind me. The no touching will be killing him, especially now when he wants to restrain me.

‘How’s your back?’

I flick my eyes to his. ‘Sore.’ I reply, loading my voice with warning. I take my attention back to the mirror and weep on the inside for the man stood behind me, who really doesn’t know what to do with himself. His ways of dealing with me are off limits. He’s truly stumped.

I finish up with my make-up and start putting my bag together. ‘Where’s my phone?’ I ask as he lingers behind me.

‘It’s charging in my office.’

I’m surprised he volunteered that information. ‘Thank you.’ I pick my bag up and walk to the door but jump back when Jesse lands in front of me, blocking my path.

‘Let’s talk.’ he spits the words out like they are garbage in his mouth. ‘Please, don’t go. I’ll talk.’

‘You want to talk?’

He shrugs sheepishly. ‘Well, I can’t fuck any sense into you, so I guess I’ll have to talk some into you.’ he grumbles.

‘That is the conventional way of dealing with things, Jesse.’

‘Yes, but my way is much more fun.’ He gives me that roguish grin, and I fight to keep the smile twitching the corners of my lips. I need to keep this serious. He takes my hand and moves into me. ‘I’ve never had to explain my life to anyone, Ava. It’s not something I relish the thought of talking about.’

‘I’m not marrying someone who refuses to open up. You keep holding information back and then we end up in a huge mess.’

‘I didn’t tell you things because I was scared you would run.’

‘Jesse, I’ve found out some pretty shocking stuff and I’m still here.’

‘I know.’ he sighs. ‘Ava, you know more about me than any other living soul. I’ve never been close to anyone, not like you. You don’t tend to get caught up in conversation and life stories when you’re just fucking someone.’

I wince at the reminder of his dabbling days that have only recently ended. ‘Don’t say things like that.’ I warn.

He tugs me towards the bed. ‘Sit.’ he orders, pulling me down. He takes a steadying breath. ‘The last time I saw my parents it didn’t go particularly well. My sister was a bit underhanded and set us up to meet. My father had a rant, my mother got upset and I got very drunk, so you can imagine how it ended.’

Oh? Jesse drunk? I don’t envy anyone who’s had to endure a round of abuse from a drunken Jesse. ‘So your sister obviously wants you to make amends.’ My voice is small but hopeful.

‘Amalie is a bit stubborn,’ he sighs, and I laugh on the inside. Like brother like sister! ‘She won’t accept that too much has happened, too many harsh words exchanged over the years.’ He looks up at me and I see anguish in his eyes. ‘It’s not fixable, Ava.’

‘But they’re your parents.’ I can’t imagine my life without my Mum and Dad. ‘You’re their son.’

He offers me a half smile, a smile that suggests I just don’t get it, which is fine because I absolutely don’t. Everything is fixable.

He sighs. ‘That invitation only arrived because my sister sent it behind my parent’s backs. They don’t want me there. Their address was scrubbed off and replaced with Amalie’s.’

‘But Amalie obviously wants you there. Don’t you want to see her get married?’

‘I would love to see my little sister get married, but I also don’t want her wedding ruined. If I go, it will end only one way. Trust me.’

‘What happened to make it like this?’

His shoulders drop spectacularly and he starts circling his thumbs over my hands. I can see this is painful for him which makes it all the more frustrating to me because it shows that he does care.

‘You already know that Carmichael left me The Manor when he died. Of course, when I told you that, you thought it was a hotel.’ He raises his eyebrows in a semi amused gesture. I roll my eyes. Okay, so I was blind as a bat. I want to point out that it was his fault I was walking around completely oblivious, but I don’t. I let him continue. ‘Things were already strained after they moved to Spain and I chose to stay with Carmichael. I was eighteen, living at The Manor and I understand that it was any parent’s worst nightmare.’ He laughs lightly. I can imagine too. ‘I slipped into a playboy lifestyle and fell harder when Carmichael died. If it wasn’t for John, there probably wouldn’t be a Manor. He practically ran it while I gorged on too much drink and too many women.’

‘Oh.’ I whisper. He gorged? I prefer dabbled.

‘I calmed it down, but my parents offered me an ultimatum; The Manor or them. I chose The Manor. Carmichael was my hero, I couldn’t sell up.’ He finishes his little speech with utter finality.

‘Your parents knew you were carrying on…’ I clear my dry throat. ‘Well, like you were.’ I can’t say it. It makes me feel sick.

‘Yes and they predicted it, so you see, they were right and they’ve never let me forget it. I’ve lived a pretty sordid lifestyle, I admit that. Carmichael was the family black sheep. No one spoke to him and the family disowned him. They were embarrassed of him and then he died and I filled the shoes of the black sheep. My parents are ashamed of me. That’s it.’

I recoil at the last part. ‘They shouldn’t be ashamed of you.’ That kind of makes me mad.

‘It’s just the way it is.’ He shrugs.

‘So you’ve known John a long time?’ If he helped run The Manor in the early days, we’re talking sixteen-ish years.

‘Yes, a long time.’ he smiles fondly. ‘He was great friends with Carmichael.’

‘How old is he?’

He looks up and frowns. ‘Fifty-ish, I think.’

‘Well, how old was Carmichael?’ I ask.

‘When he died? Thirty one.’

‘That young?’ I blurt. I imagined him to be a long silver haired, tanned, smarmy type.

He laughs at my stunned face. ‘There were ten years between my father and Carmichael. He was an afterthought on my grandparent’s part.’

‘Oh,’ I do a quick mental calculation. ‘So, there was only ten years between you and Carmichael too.’

‘He was more like a brother.’

‘How did he die?’ I’m probably pushing my luck now, but I’m intrigued. I’m beginning to build a picture of Jesse’s history, and now I’m like a dog with a bone.

Sadness washes over Jesse’s face. ‘In a car accident.’

‘Oh.’ I whisper, but then realisation dawns. My eyes drift down his stomach and linger in the area where I know his scar to be. Jesse was in the car with Carmichael. Oh God. All of those times I’ve probed him and badgered him about it, he said it was too painful to talk about and it really is. My one million piece Jesse jigsaw puzzle is all starting to fit together. His Mum and Dad moved to a different country, he refused to go because he wanted to stay with his uncle, who was more like a brother – I will disregard the fucking about part – and then three years later, he lost Carmichael in a tragic accident that caused major injuries to him too. It’s no wonder he fell deeper into the pit of drink and sex afterwards. It all makes perfect sense now. I feel like a huge weight has just been lifted from my shoulders. Of course there is a reason for why he is like he is.