Double Clutch - Реинхардт Лиз (хороший книги онлайн бесплатно .TXT) 📗

“I’m going to turn in for the night.” Mom walked in and kissed my head.

“Love you, Mom.” I fought hard to keep my voice and face and expression normal. And just the trying raised her Mom-Alert.

“What’s the matter, Bren?” Her eyes searched my face.

“Just a lot of school work,” I lied.

“Is it too much? I think you should reconsider going to two high schools. It takes a lot out of you. I know you enjoy what you’re doing at technical school, but let’s face it, you’re going to go to college, honey. You need to focus on academics.” Mom sat on the bed and smoothed my hair away from my face. I leaned my cheek into her hand and loved the super soft brush of her palm on my skin.

“It’s not that. I think it’s just an adjustment.” That word had power. It gave me time and leeway.

“Well, keep what I said in mind. High school is supposed to be fun. I don’t like the way you’re always worrying lately.”

“Lately?” I asked, surprised.

“I’ve just noticed you seem a little distracted.” She smiled at me like she understood, but I realized she couldn’t possibly. What Mom saw was the Jake effect.

“It’s still a little weird being the new girl.” I hated lying to Mom, but omission was okay in a twisted way.

“You’ll get to relax tomorrow anyway. Snow day.” Mom beamed.

“Already?” They usually waited until early morning to call something like that.

“They just flashed it on the news before I came to say goodnight. I think it’s probably that they don’t have the resources together for an October storm. It’s freaky weather we’re having.” She squeezed me close. “You’re going to be spoiled with all these three day weekends.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever have it any better than an entire year off,” I pointed out.

“Good point. Now, I’m going to bed. Tomorrow we can have a cocoa and candles date.” She kissed me again and left.

I held my phone in my hand, thinking about how nice things had been last year. Mom and I had been able to relax and tour Denmark a little. Thorsten had been happy to be home again. I had been a little lonely, but happy, too.

That life already felt really far away. I was sad that it was gone, even though I knew there was no going back to it. What I had now, with Jake, had changed my very definition of happiness. If I had never met him, it might have been different. But now that I had known him, it was unthinkable that I might not know him anymore or be close to him or have him know me. And that’s what made me dial his number again, even though I had been close to crying when we hung up before.

“Brenna?” His voice sounded weird and tight like mine. I couldn’t imagine him crying, but I’d never heard his voice sound that way before.

“I had to go. My mom needed to talk to me.”

“Did you talk about how to get rid of loser boyfriends?” He sounded a little sad for himself.

That was irritating.

“No. Believe it or not, I have more things to talk about than you, Jake.” It felt good to shoot him down a little, even if the only reason I didn’t talk to Mom about him was because I was scared out of my mind for her to know Jake existed the way he did for me.

“I’m sorry, Brenna,” he said in a rush. “I’m sorry I got so pissed before, and I’m sorry I assumed your world revolves around me. This is a freaking mess.”

“Yep.” I let my mouth pop around the word. Now that he was taking the blame for our fight, I was fully prepared to let him accept it all. If he would just tell me what was up with him and Saxon, I wouldn’t have to play guessing games with him.

“So, how do I fix it?” His voice was worn and tired.

I felt a tiny pinprick of pity for him, even though I didn’t want to. I think it was because I knew Jake was sweet and caring and good; I knew he was in Saxon’s web as much as I was. So I went easy on him. “You have to be more understanding. Just because I take a ride with Saxon doesn’t mean he’s my boyfriend, or even my friend. I want to go see you, but I haven’t told my mom about us yet, so it’s kind of weird getting a ride.”

That last fact sat heavy between us on the line.

“Oh,” Jake said flatly. “Are you going to tell her?”

“I want to.” We both knew it was a weak response.

“Do you think she wouldn’t approve of me?”

No. I knew she wouldn’t. Even if, by some miracle, she fell in love with Jake, she was still against my having a boyfriend at all. And the problem would be, once she knew I was with someone, she would start watching me more. If I was sad, she’d blame him; if I was angry, she’d blame him. I just knew that’s how it would be with my mother. Her love was incredible, but also a little claustrophobic.

But I didn’t even have the energy or the language to explain that all to Jake. “My mom doesn’t want me to date.” I left it at that.

“Oh.” He sounded a little relieved. “So she would hate any guy?”

I thought about her gaga behavior with Saxon. “Yes,” I lied.

He laughed softly. “Am I crazy for feeling like that makes it a little better?”

“No.” I grabbed the book with his picture in it and flipped it open to his smile.

“Are we okay, Brenna? If I screwed this up…” He didn’t say anything else, but I could hear the strain in his voice.

“You didn’t,” I promised. “When you’re ready, you can tell me about Saxon. Once I know, it will make things easier. I know it will.”

Jake sighed. “That’s the thing with Saxon though.” There was a bitter ring to his words. “I’ll tell you the story, but I can’t really explain what exactly I have such a problem with. He can complicate things in a way no one else can.”

“I think I might understand better than you think,” I said, remembering Saxon’s fingertip on my ankle.

“Remember I told you I was drinking a lot that one summer?” I told him I did. “Well I stopped once before I stopped for good. I had been with a girl, and she thought we were going to go out, and she got really upset. She was alright, you know? I just didn’t want to date her.”

I felt my heart thud irregularly. “Okay.”

“So I decided to stop because I realized I was hurting people I hardly even knew. Saxon was my best friend. Had been for years. He was the one who got the alcohol from his older cousin. When I said I wanted to stop, he called me a pussy, said I got soft over some slutty girl. Anyway, I wound up at a party and he was there. I told myself I wouldn’t drink, then I decided I’d just have one or two.” He was breathing hard.