She's Not There - Madison Marla (читаем книги онлайн TXT) 📗

Janeen had her own experience with spousal abuse, one which included her sister, and ultimately resulted in TJ leaving the police force. She hadn’t been forced out. Her brother-in-law’s shooting had been ruled a clean shoot, necessary to protect the lives of Janeen and the police officer who shot him—TJ.

Try as she might to squelch them, scenes from that night still played in TJ’s mind: her sister screaming, Mario’s knife pressing into Janeen’s neck, the way his body hit the wall when TJ had shot him. TJ’d been eternally grateful her sister had had the foresight to send the kids down the hall to a neighbor before things escalated.

TJ eased up on her rearview-mirror observations when Janeen asked, “So, what time are you meeting Richard for the big weekend?”

“Soon as he gets off; probably leave about five.”

“You don’t sound too excited about it.”

“Since when do you care about my plans with Richard?”

Janeen had never liked Richard and kept telling TJ to find a man her own age, someone to settle down with. Have kids even, despite the fact TJ denied wanting such mundane things.

“That Jeff guy seemed real nice. He’s the one you’ve been working with right?”

TJ should have known her sister would have picked up on her attraction to Jeff. Damn, she didn’t want to talk about it. “Yeah, he’s the one. Poor guy’s real upset about his wife going missing. Gotta feel sorry for him.” Maybe the sympathetic words would change the subject.

Her phone rang just as they stopped at a light. Richard said, “Sorry, babe, but I’m still in Chicago. Some family things are going on and I have to stay for a couple more days. We’ll have to do our weekend another time. Tell you what. Why don’t you take your sister and the kids and go to the Dells anyway? I’ll pick up the hotel tab.”

“Not necessary.” TJ said, annoyed at the last-minute cancellation. But Janeen had been right; TJ hadn’t been excited about their trip. But she suspected there was more to his call than a family thing; Richard wasn’t a family kind of guy.

He said, “Should I reschedule?”

“Sure. No problem.” Did he really think she’d bought his weak excuse? The jerk probably met someone in Chi-Town who he couldn’t resist. But she needed a weekend alone. Alone, in her own place.

It had been two years since Lisa had stopped seeing her therapist, Robert Bernstein, but after what had happened with Tyler, she knew it was time—time to sort through her ongoing love affair with exciting, albeit unfulfilling, relationships.

“Lisa. It’s been a while.”

“I know. Sorry, Robert, you probably have a lot going on, but I’d like to see you.”

“Something urgent?”

“Not really. Can you fit me in?”

“I’m not in the office today. I’m actually off for the weekend at my wife’s insistence.”

“I don’t want to take you away from your family.”

“No, no. Mother and daughters are at the mall indulging in their favorite pastime. I’m about to go for a run. Want to join me?”

They met on a hiking path in the Kettle Moraine area, a state park north of Oconomowoc. Lisa found him at the side of his car, doing deep stretches. “I maintain a very slow pace. The better to hear you speak, my dear.” He laughed. “Baby steps, you know. I’m trying to get rid of some of this gut.” He patted his middle. A tall man, Bernstein carried the extra pounds well.

“I know what you mean. I stuffed enough food in my mouth yesterday to hibernate for a month.”

They started off walking, then picked up the pace to a slow jog. There weren’t many people on the paths, a few dog walkers the only people around.

“Robert, you’re doing a great job with Jeff. He speaks highly of you.” Lisa had sent Jeff to Robert when she stopped seeing him.

“I’m not sure I can take all the credit.”

“Being busy has helped, too, I’m sure.”

“Lisa, I know you aren’t here because of Jeff.”

“No. I’m not sure how much Jeff has told you about what we’re doing . . . It’s been intense.”

“Intense? It sounds more like life-endangering lunacy to me.”

“Something had to be done. Too many women have been victimized by this person.”

“How do you know it isn’t persons?”

“We don’t, I suppose.”

“Other than the obvious, what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing in my life has changed a whole lot since we last talked—since you gave up on me.” That’s what it had felt like.

“Gave up on you? I wouldn’t put it that way, Lisa. You’d given up on yourself; there was nothing more I could do for you. Taking any more of your hard-earned dollars for therapy would have made me a charlatan.”

“I guess you’re right.” Professionally she’d known it, but it had, nevertheless, made her feel deserted.

“You know I’m right. Only a quack keeps seeing a patient who won’t make the necessary effort to get better. You’re here, so what’s changed?”

“It’s a long story, but I’m not happy with my life, my relationships.”

“Lisa, if you’re serious about working on it now, I’ll be happy to start seeing you again.”

Lisa stopped to retie a shoelace, glad for a break in the conversation.

Robert ran in place. “I’m surprised you aren’t putting therapy on hold until this investigation of yours is over.”

Lisa sighed. He knew there was more. She’d never been able to hold out on him.

They resumed their pace. “It can’t be easy for all of you, holed up together like you are.”

“You’ve guessed it, haven’t you?”

“Hey, your life is in danger, you’ve been forced to live away from the home you love, Paige is gone, and you’re trying to break away from the addiction that’s always kept you going. It’s only natural you’d want to reach out to someone when you’re in such a vulnerable place.”

“All true. But Eric Schindler can be such an exasperating man.”

“Eric Schindler?”

“You didn’t think I’d be attracted to Jeff, did you?”

Robert laughed. “Jeff is in your usual age range.”

Lisa grinned. “Guess I deserved that one.”

“So what’s happening with Eric?”

“Nothing yet, but there’s beginning to be an attraction there. For me, anyway.”

“What’s holding you back? That’s not like you.”

“Eric and I are both broken, Robert. Two jagged pieces don’t make a whole.”

“Lisa, I’ve always maintained you are not a relationship addict. Not in the true sense.” When she started to protest, he said, “You aren’t. I know it’s how you label yourself, but you know as well as I do not every little foible can be labeled a personality disorder. Everything in our profession is not black or white.”

He was right. But labeling it made it feel inescapable, unfixable. It allowed her to enjoy the excitement of the new and the pain when it ended; even a painful breakup made her feel alive. “Then what is the solution for my not-a-relationship addiction?”

“You know the answer as well as I do, Lisa. You have to break the pattern, learn to find joy in a relationship not destined to be terminal. One both exciting and comfortable with someone who loves you, who’ll be there for you.”

“Right. Meanwhile I’m trapped in limbo with a man I’m both attracted to and despise.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Despise may be a little harsh. He has some good qualities.”

Robert chuckled. “So, what would be wrong with just going with the flow for now?”

“Are you suggesting I hop in bed with him?” She laughed at the thought, but it intrigued her.

“As your therapist I would never do such a thing. As your friend, I’m concerned about you and think connecting with another person might be good for you right now. I’m not saying it needs to be a sexual connection.”

She stopped running and broke out in laughter. “Oh, Robert, I almost said, ‘You’re screwing with me, right?’ but the absurdity of the pun stopped me.” Lisa wiped away the tears brought on by her own joke as Robert looked on, smiling.

“Lisa, call my office and make an appointment. I think you’re ready to work on your issue.”