Double Clutch - Реинхардт Лиз (хороший книги онлайн бесплатно .TXT) 📗

“I have to get home, Saxon.” My voice shattered the tension in the air.

“Right.” He sat up and climbed into the driver’s seat while I squirmed into the passenger’s.

We drove out of the now-empty parking lot and along the winding roads to my house.

“Are you going to tell Jake?” The minute I got back in the front of the car, I wondered if I had just dug myself into a deeper hole than I could get back out of.

“What? That you rubbed my head? It isn’t exactly a lurid story, Blix.” His voice was hollow, like he was saying the words and playing the game because he knew he had to, not because he really wanted to.

“All of it. The kiss, the rides, the phone calls. All of it.”

“I’d like to have something just between you and me, Brenna,” he said finally. “Jake and you are what you are. If I have to take your head rubs and rides home like some dog begging for pathetic scraps under the table, I guess that’s what I’ll live with. But they’ll be my pathetic scraps.”

“If you told him…”

“You would both hate me. It’s not like I’d win your hand at the end of it anyway.”

I felt a shiver go through me at the thought of being Saxon’s girlfriend. It was mostly disturbing and not all that appealing; but it was also kind of fascinating.

“I saw you leave with Karen Tanner the other day.” I hoped it led somewhere, but knew if that was true the last half hour would never have happened.

“She gave me head, Blix.” His voice snapped at me like he hoped I would be shocked and disgusted. “It was good enough. She’s nice enough. I think she’s into a senior guy on the team, though. I was just someone to pass some time with.”

“Oh.” I tried hard not to be prudishly shocked at the thought of a girl going that far with someone she had no intention of being with more permanently.

“I tend to be someone to pass the time with.” It was a little self-pitying, but mostly just true and we both knew it, so neither one of us said anything more on the topic.

We were in my driveway. Mom wasn’t home yet.

“Thank you for the ride.” My breathing was all over the place and my head started to spin. I followed Coach Dunn’s advice; two breaths in, one out.

“Thank you for the head rub.” He turned to me, his lazy, frightening smile back and more dangerously gorgeous than ever. “I have other parts that could use a rub. You’ve got great hands, Blix.”

I rolled my eyes at him, not even bothering to get worked up over that. I opened the car door and went to get out. Saxon grabbed my hand.

“Invite me in.” I could see something desperate in his eyes. He was only half kidding.

“No.” I shook my head for emphasis.

“We don’t have to tell anyone. I promise, you’ll like it.”

I didn’t feel offended or mad or anything like that. Most of all, I felt tired. And sad. That Saxon had to fall for me of all people. That he and Jake couldn’t be friends. That he was brave and good and smart, but so completely screwed up. That even at his most vulnerable, I knew in my heart he was somehow damaged and could really hurt me.

No matter how dangerous he was, I was drawn to him. I couldn’t stay away from him.

“No, Saxon.” I leaned back into the car and kissed him on the side of his mouth. “Go home now.”

He clenched his jaw hard and as soon as the door shut, he peeled out of my driveway so fast he kicked up dust and gravel.

By the time Mom got home, I could hardly keep my eyes open. She came in my room and sat on the edge of my bed. “You look beat, Bren.”

“Yeah. Practice kicked my butt.” I stretched, and my muscles screamed in protest.

“You made the team.” She brushed my hair back with her fingers.

“I didn’t even have to try out. Coach Dunn said she could just use my class runs as my tryout. It wore me out, but I think I’m going to love it.”

“Congratulations, sweetheart. Tell me your meet schedule. Thorsten and I want to see you run.” She worked her fingers through a knot in my hair.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, honey?”

“Saturday there’s this race.” I didn’t know how to tell her.

“Do your friends have plans to go?” she helped.

“Yeah. Actually, there’s a motocross race early in the day, and then this band called Folly is going to have a show later that night. I actually designed a t-shirt that they’re going to sell there.”

“That sounds fun, sweetie. You’re a real teenager now, with all these exciting plans. No more Saturdays home playing in your room,” Mom said, and her eyes were a tiny bit sad.

“Oh, Mom,” I blubbered.

“Ignore me.” She waved a hand in front of her face and blinked hard. “I’m happy for you. I guess I just had last year to pretend you were a little girl again, so I didn’t have to face how grownup you’re getting. Tell me about Saturday,” she insisted.

If telling her about general plans made her so sad, what would she say when I brought up Jake? “My friend is the one riding the dirt bike. He offered to pick me up on his way. If you don’t like the idea, it’s okay.”

Mom sighed. “Bren, I really don’t want you driving with all these teenagers.”

“It’s okay. I could get dropped off.” I had to make it there for Jake, and I wasn’t about to take any chances.

She looked at me hard. “Let me meet him on Saturday. I need to see if he’s responsible. But I don’t like it.”

I grabbed her hand. “I don’t like it when you don’t like it,” I told her. It was the truth.

“That’s what makes you such a great kid.” She shook her head. “And that’s why I don’t like to say no when I know something’s important to you.”

“Thanks, Mom. Seriously, I appreciate this.”

She squeezed my hand then got up to leave. At the doorway, she turned. “Bren?”

“Yeah, Mom?”

“Is he a boyfriend?”

I was so tired of lying. So guilty. And I trusted my mother, no matter what. “Yes,” I said. “He’s great. And I really want you to meet him.”

She pressed her lips together like she was trying to keep from crying. “Okay. I love you, sweetheart.”

When she left my room, I had nothing better to do than stare at my ceiling. Kids were always bitching about how terrible their parents were, grounding them, screaming at them, being suspicious, being nasty. But I couldn’t imagine anyone having it worse than I did. I had awesome, loving parents who cared about me, and every time I lied or made them sad, I felt a crush of guilt that turned everything sour.