Seduction and Snacks - Sivec Tara (книга бесплатный формат .TXT) 📗
Thankfully, the camera man took in the scene in front of him and reacted faster than she did. He whipped around, smacking his camera into Jim's head before stumbling backwards, slipping through the spilled, melted chocolate and crashing down on the floor on his back.
***
"Son of a bitch that hurt," Jim could be heard shouting off-camera as the view on the television suddenly flew to a shot of the ceiling and a loud "ooomf" came through the speakers, signifying the point in the broadcast when the camera man landed on his ass.
Liz fell off the couch, landing on her side in a fit of giggles. Jim managed to stay on the couch but bent over at the waist, holding on to his stomach as he laughed right along with her.
All Claire and I could do was stare in shock at the replay of tonight's broadcast that Liz managed to catch on her DVR. After the kitchen debacle and plenty of apologies from the staff of BBS for deciding a surprise interview would be fun, we came back to Liz and Jim's house to clean up and see if by some miracle there was a cable outage in the area.
No such luck.
"Ooooh, here comes my part!" Drew said excitedly as he jumped up from his spot on the floor and reached over to turn up the volume on the television.
Drew's face suddenly came into the shot as he bent over the downed camera man, the view of the shop's kitchen ceiling behind his head.
"Stop by Seduction and Snacks for the grand opening tomorrow and try some of Claire's boobs. They're delicious!" he said with a smile as he bit off one of the chocolate boobs he held in his hand.
The camera turned to the side where the stunned TV anchor stood with Liz and Jenny, waving frantically into the camera behind her and Jim off to the side rubbing his head and muttering, "Fuck that hurt."
"B-b-back to you in the studio, Sam," she stuttered as she stared wide eyed into the camera without blinking.
The shot went back to the studio where they immediately began talking about the weather.
"Well, the good news is the camera man managed to avoid showing Butler that you guys were taste testing the chocolate with your penis and vagina," Liz said from her spot on the floor.
"If that's the good news, what the hell is the bad news?" Claire asked.
"Well, Drew is now the face of Seduction and Snacks," Liz laughed.
We all glanced over at Drew as he picked lint off of the front of his shirt that had been the main focus of the camera shot.
I guess there were worse things Seduction and Snacks could be famous for than a tee shirt that read, "Have you seen Mike Hunt?"
21. Itchy Feet and Fading Smiles
Surprisingly the airing of our dirty laundry, or should I say dirty kitchen and mouths, didn't deter anyone from stopping by the grand opening of Seduction and Snacks today. But if one more person asks me if Mr. Hunt is available, I'm going to punch them in the kidney.
Carter, Gavin, Liz, Jim and I all arrived at the shop a few hours before we opened to finish last-minute details and set everything up. Thankfully, today's opening didn't require the chocolate boobs and penises. Drew ate all the ones that weren't stuck to my ass last night. Come to think of it, he may have eaten those as well. I remembered him saying something about a "Five Second Ass Rule", not to be confused with the original "Five Second Rule" for when you drop food on the floor. I tuned him out when he told Carter, "Her ass better be so clean you can see your face in it!"
Much to our shock, there was a line of people on the sidewalk waiting for us to open.
Was this really my life right now? How did I get to this point? A few months ago I was a single mother with no social life or romantic prospects anywhere in my future, and I was stuck at a dead-end job at a bar. Now, I was opening a business, doing what I loved every single day, and found the love of my life who was the best father in the world to our son.
Oh, and my vagina was getting regular work-outs on an almost-daily basis. Couldn't forget that tidbit since it was probably the most important. I thought if my vagina had to wait any longer for some action, she would have just got up and walked out of my underwear to find another pair of legs to sit between. I would have turned into a fake woman. If you spread my legs, I'd look like Barbie with her plastic who-ha that had no hole. At least Ken wasn't missing out on sticking it to her. Poor guy just had a pair of tighty-whities with no bulge. That's probably why when I was younger I always made them dry hump. There wasn't much else they could do, really.
The store had been open for two hours and it had yet to be empty. Liz and I kept the adjoining door to our places open so people could file back and forth. I was a little leery about how the good people of Butler would take to having a sex toy shop downtown, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out how many dirty people lived here. Liz was going to resurrect the sex lives of everyone in this town one dildo at a time.
She kept the front of her store to the bare minimum, mostly lingerie, lubes, massage lotions, candles and other things that were PG rated and wouldn't freak anyone out that walked by. She kept catalogs on the counter with pictures of all the other items that were located in the back of the store. You could simply point to what you wanted and she'd go in the back and get it for you, wrapping it in a small black bag so no one would know what you got.
My dad took in Liz's side of the store with as much enthusiasm as I expected him to. He walked through the adjoining doors and stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of a rack of garters and corsets. He took a look around and proclaimed joyously, "Humph," then walked back over to my side.
Gavin was the life of the store, naturally. He walked around handing out samples with the motto, "One for you, six for me." He was so hopped up on sugar by twelve o'clock, I was going to have to scrape him off of the ceiling by the end of the day.
I stood at the cash register ringing up a customer's cookie order when I noticed Carter talking to a guy by the front window. He was holding a small boy in his arms and Carter was laughing at something the guy said. He had his back to me so I had no idea who it was but something about him was familiar. I thanked the customer, gave her a flyer and headed over to Carter.
Carter noticed me walking towards him and smiled.
"There's my girl," he said as he lifted his arm so I could ease into his side.
The guy turned at Carter's words and when we saw each other, I wasn't sure who had the more shocked expression on their face.
"Oh my God, Max?"
"Claire?" he answered, equally surprised.
Carter looked between the two of us, obviously puzzled.
"Wait, you two know each other?" he asked.
"Um, yes. But more importantly, how do you know him?" I asked.
This was so awkward right now I kind of wished a meteor would crash out in the street. I needed total chaos right now to distract everyone from this insane situation.
"I met Max at the library when I took Gavin that one afternoon so you could work, remember? He gave me some tips on the joys of fatherhood," Carter laughed.
Max hadn't taken his eyes off me during the exchange and I laughed nervously. I didn't see this ending well. At all.
"So, anyway, how do you two know each other?" Carter asked again.
I looked at him and tried to convey with my eyes that this was about to get really weird really fast. Carter didn't get the hint and just stared at me expectantly.
"Hello, earth to Claire," Carter said with a laugh. "What's wrong with your face?"
