Eclipse - Meyer Stephenie (е книги TXT) 📗

“Does that mean that he’s a better kisser that I am?” Jacob asked, suddenly glum.

“I really couldn’t say, Jake. Edward is the only person I’ve ever kissed.”

“Besides me.”

“But I don’t count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.”

“Ouch! That’s cold.”

I shrugged. I wasn’t going to take it back.

“I did apologize about that,” he reminded me.

“And I forgave you . . . mostly. It doesn’t change the way I remember it.”

He muttered something unintelligible.

It was quiet then for a while; there was just the sound of his measured breathing and the wind roaring high above us in the treetops. A cliff face rose sheer beside us, bare, rough gray stone. We followed the base as it curved upward out of the forest.

“I still think it’s pretty irresponsible,” Jacob suddenly said.

“Whatever you’re talking about, you’re wrong.”

“Think about it, Bella. According to you, you’ve kissed just one person — who isn’t even really a person — in your whole life, and you’re calling it quits? How do you know that’s what you want? Shouldn’t you play the field a little?”

I kept my voice cool. “I know exactly what I want.”

“Then it couldn’t hurt to double check. Maybe you should try kissing someone else — just for comparison’s sake . . . since what happened the other day doesn’t count. You could kiss me, for example. I don’t mind if you want to use me to experiment.”

He pulled me tighter against his chest, so that my face was closer to his. He was smiling at his joke, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

“Don’t mess with me, Jake. I swear I won’t stop him if he wants to break your jaw.”

The panicky edge to my voice made him smile wider. “If you ask me to kiss you, he won’t have any reason to get upset. He said that was fine.”

“Don’t hold your breath, Jake — no, wait, I changed my mind. Go right ahead. Just hold your breath until I ask you to kiss me.”

“You’re in a bad mood today.”

“I wonder why?”

“Sometimes I think you like me better as a wolf.”

“Sometimes I do. It probably has something to do with the way you can’t talk.”

He pursed his broad lips thoughtfully. “No, I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s easier for you to be near me when I’m not human, because you don’t have to pretend that you’re not attracted to me.”

My mouth fell open with a little popping sound. I snapped it shut at once, grinding my teeth together.

He heard that. His lips pulled tightly across his face in a triumphant smile.

I took a slow breath before I spoke. “No. I’m pretty sure it’s because you can’t talk.”

He sighed. “Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself? You have to know how aware you are of me. Physically, I mean.”

“How could anyone not be aware of you physically, Jacob?” I demanded. “You’re an enormous monster who refuses to respect anyone else’s personal space.”

“I make you nervous. But only when I’m human. When I’m a wolf, you’re more comfortable around me.”

“Nervousness and irritation are not the same thing.”

He stared at me for a minute, slowing to a walk, the amusement draining from his face. His eyes narrowed, turned black in the shadow of his brows. His breathing, so regular as he ran, started to accelerate. Slowly, he leaned his face closer to mine.

I stared him down, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.

“It’s your face,” I reminded him.

He laughed loudly and started jogging again. “I don’t really want to fight with your vampire tonight — I mean, any other night, sure. But we both have a job to do tomorrow, and I wouldn’t want to leave the Cullens one short.”

The sudden, unexpected swell of shame distorted my expression.

“I know, I know,” he responded, not understanding. “You think he could take me.”

I couldn’t speak. I was leaving them one short. What if someone got hurt because I was so weak? But what if I was brave and Edward . . . I couldn’t even think it.

“What’s the matter with you, Bella?” The joking bravado vanished from his face, revealing my Jacob underneath, like pulling a mask away. “If something I said upset you, you know I was only kidding. I didn’t mean anything — hey, are you okay? Don’t cry, Bella,” he pled.

I tried to pull myself together. “I’m not going to cry.”

“What did I say?”

“It’s nothing you said. It’s just, well, it’s me. I did something . . . bad.”

He stared at me, his eyes wide with confusion.

“Edward isn’t going to fight tomorrow,” I whispered the explanation. “I’m making him stay with me. I am a huge coward.”

He frowned. “You think this isn’t going to work? That they’ll find you here? Do you know something I don’t know?”

“No, no. I’m not afraid of that. I just . . . I can’t let him go. If he didn’t come back . . .” I shuddered, closing my eyes to escape the thought.

Jacob was quiet.

I kept whispering, my eyes shut. “If anyone gets hurt, it will always be my fault. And even if no one does . . . I was horrible. I had to be, to convince him to stay with me. He won’t hold it against me, but I’ll always know what I’m capable of.” I felt just a tiny bit better, getting this off my chest. Even if I could only confess it to Jacob.

He snorted. My eyes opened slowly, and I was sad to see that the hard mask was back.

“I can’t believe he let you talk him out of going. I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, though.” He was suddenly backtracking. “That doesn’t mean that he loves you more than I do.”

“But you wouldn’t stay with me, even if I begged.”

He pursed his lips for a moment, and I wondered if he would try to deny it. We both knew the truth. “That’s only because I know you better,” he said at last. “Everything’s going to go without a hitch. Even if you’d asked and I’d said no, you wouldn’t be mad at me afterwards.”

“If everything does go without a hitch, you’re probably right. I wouldn’t be mad. But the whole time you’re gone, I’ll be sick with worry, Jake. Crazy with it.”

“Why?” he asked gruffly. “Why does it matter to you if something happens to me?”

“Don’t say that. You know how much you mean to me. I’m sorry it’s not in the way you want, but that’s just how it is. You’re my best friend. At least, you used to be. And still sometimes are . . . when you let your guard down.”

He smiled the old smile that I loved. “I’m always that,” he promised. “Even when I don’t . . . behave as well as I should. Underneath, I’m always in here.”

“I know. Why else would I put up with all of your crap?”

He laughed with me, and then his eyes were sad. “When are you finally going to figure out that you’re in love with me, too?”

“Leave it to you to ruin the moment.”

“I’m not saying you don’t love him. I’m not stupid. But it’s possible to love more than one person at a time, Bella. I’ve seen it in action.”

“I’m not some freaky werewolf, Jacob.”

He wrinkled his nose, and I was about to apologize for that last jab, but he changed the subject.

“We’re not far now, I can smell him.”

I sighed in relief.

He misinterpreted my meaning. “I’d happily slow down, Bella, but you’re going to want to be under shelter before that hits.”

We both looked up at the sky.

A solid wall of purple-black cloud was racing in from the west, blackening the forest beneath it as it came.

“Wow,” I muttered. “You’d better hurry, Jake. You’ll want to get home before it gets here.”

“I’m not going home.”

I glared at him, exasperated. “You’re not camping with us.”

“Not technically — as in, sharing your tent or anything. I prefer the storm to the smell. But I’m sure your bloodsucker will want to keep in touch with the pack for coordination purposes, and so I will graciously provide that service.”

“I thought that was Seth’s job.”

“He’ll take over tomorrow, during the fight.”

The reminder silenced me for a second. I stared at him, worry springing up again with sudden fierceness.

“I don’t suppose there’s any way you’d just stay since you’re already here?” I suggested. “If I did beg? Or trade back the lifetime of servitude or something?”

“Tempting, but no. Then again, the begging might be interesting to see. You can give it a go if you like.”

“There’s really nothing, nothing at all I can say?”

“Nope. Not unless you can promise me a better fight. Anyway, Sam’s calling the shots, not me.”

That reminded me.

“Edward told me something the other day . . . about you.”

He bristled. “It’s probably a lie.”

“Oh, really? You aren’t second in command of the pack, then?”

He blinked, his face going blank with surprise. “Oh. That.”

“How come you never told me that?”

“Why would I? It’s no big thing.”

“I don’t know. Why not? It’s interesting. So, how does that work? How did Sam end up as the Alpha, and you as the . . . the Beta?”

Jacob chuckled at my invented term. “Sam was the first, the oldest. It made sense for him to take charge.”

I frowned. “But shouldn’t Jared or Paul be second, then? They were the next to change.”

“Well . . . it’s hard to explain,” Jacob said evasively.

“Try.”

He sighed. “It’s more about the lineage, you know? Sort of old-fashioned. Why should it matter who your grandpa was, right?”

I remembered something Jacob had told me a long time ago, before either of us had known anything about werewolves.

“Didn’t you say that Ephraim Black was the last chief the Quileutes had?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Because he was the Alpha. Did you know that, technically, Sam’s the chief of the whole tribe now?” He laughed. “Crazy traditions.”

I thought about that for a second, trying to make all the pieces fit. “But you also said that people listened to your dad more than anyone else on the council, because he was Ephraim’s grandson?”

“What about it?”

“Well, if it’s about the lineage . . . shouldn’t you be the chief, then?”

Jacob didn’t answer me. He stared into the darkening forest, as if he suddenly needed to concentrate on where he was going.

“Jake?”

“No. That’s Sam’s job.” He kept his eyes on our pathless course.