How to Be a Pirate - Cowell Cressida (читать книги онлайн бесплатно без сокращение бесплатно .TXT) 📗
Hiccup nodded enthusiastically. "Anyway," he said, "we need to get after the others. I'm freezing, and I've a horrible feeling that some idiot is going to suggest OPENING that coffin which says quite clearly DO NOT OPEN. It would be just the sort of mindlessly stupid thing they would do."
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"What do you think could be in it?" asked Fishlegs.
"I don't know," said Hiccup, "but a pirate like Grimbeard the Ghastly won't have hidden the treasure in it without booby-trapping it in some way. You read what it said on the top. ... A man like him could have thought of all SORTS of unpleasant surprises."
Fishlegs sighed and struggled to his feet. They set off slowly towards the Hooligan Village, Toothless hitching a ride on Hiccup's helmet.
"They wouldn't open it, would they?" worried Fishlegs. "Surely, surely, SURELY, they couldn't be that stupid?"
[Image: A pirate.]
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5. DO NOT OPEN a Coffin That Says "DO NOT OPEN" on the Front
As soon as they got to the Hooligan Village, Hiccup and Fishlegs changed into dry(ish) clothes. (Berk was one of those damp places where clothes never really dried. They just became warm and wet rather than cold and wet.)
They hurried as quickly as they could towards the Great Hall.
[Image: The Hooligan Village.]
By the time they got there, Stoick had called a Big Meeting of Everybody and the Great Hall was already packed to bursting with great Hairy Hooligans jostling each other for a good view of the coffin, which had been placed on a table in front of the fire.
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Bit by bit Hiccup and Fishlegs managed to wriggle their way through the crowd to the front.
"Ah, Hiccup, there you are," said Hiccup's father Stoick the Vast absentmindedly, as he consulted with the other Elders in front of the coffin.
Stoick was a terrifying red-headed bull of a man whose belly turned a corner a good foot or two before the rest of him.
"Interesting find you've made here, my boy," said Stoick, ruffling his son's hair proudly. "The Lost Treasure of Grimbeard the Ghastly, eh?"
"Yes, Father, but... ," said Hiccup.
"We're just about to open it," said Stoick.
"But what I'm trying to say is," interrupted Old Wrinkly (the cleverest and most ancient Elder of the Hooligan Tribe), "it is written quite clearly on the top, 'DO NOT OPEN THIS COFFIN, Cursed be he who disturbs the remains of Grimbeard the Ghastly, the greatest pirate who ever struck Terror into the Inner Isles.' ... In my considerable experience it is always a good idea NOT TO OPEN a coffin that says 'DO NOT OPEN' on the front...."
"I agree," said Hiccup nervously. "Grimbeard
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[Image: A man.]
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the Ghastly was a nasty piece of work. Anybody who opens that coffin could be in for a horrible shock."
"Rubbish," scoffed Stoick the Vast. "A warning like that to put off grave robbers should not stay the hand of Fearsome Vikings like ourselves. Shall we, who laugh in the face of Death and spit in the eye of the Great Typhoon, quail at a simple curse to scare infants and old men?"
Cries of "No!" and "Not likely, guv'nor!"
"All those in favor of opening up the box and seeing whether the Lost Treasure of Grimbeard the Ghastly is inside say AYE!"
"AYE!!!" bellowed out every member of the Hooligan Tribe, except for Fishlegs, Old Wrinkly and Hiccup.
"R-r-run for your lives!" yelped Toothless, and hid in Hiccup's shirt. Fishlegs edged backwards into the crowd.
"NOT a good idea, NOT a good idea, NOT a good idea," muttered Hiccup. He started backing away from the coffin as Stoick fiddled clumsily with the iron clasps.
"NOT a good idea, NOT a good idea, NOT A
GOOD IDEA," repeated Hiccup as Stoick slowly c-r-e-a-k-e-d up the coffin lid....
c r-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-a-k...
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The coffin lid dropped open with a bang.
Stoick jumped away to avoid being splashed by the seawater gushing out of it from all sides.
Everybody else tried very hard not to look nervous.
Stoick peered into the coffin.
There was a bit of a pause.
"Not pretty, was he?" sniffed Stoick the Vast, trying to show off how much he laughed in the face of Death.
"Oh, I don't know, sir," said Gobber the Belch, leaning in to look as well. "I think I can see a bit of a family resemblance."
"I know what you mean," said Baggybum the Beerbelly, turning his head thoughtfully. "There's a look of Great-Aunt Heftythighs."
Hiccup forced himself to open his eyes. If he was ever going to be a pirate, he would have to get used to this sort of thing. He made himself peer over the edge and into the coffin.
There, in a state of green and yellow decay, lay the corpse of Grimbeard the Ghastly. It wasn't so bad really. The face was all slimy and drippy, but it wasn't crawling with maggots or anything disgusting. Rather peaceful really, lying so still....
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And then Hiccup was sure he saw one of the paper-white fingers twitch slightly.
He blinked and stared hard at it.
Nothing for a second.
And then ... there it was again, a definite quivering....
"The c-c-corpse!" stuttered Hiccup. "It's m-m-moving!"
"Nonsense, boy!" snapped Gobber the Belch. "How can he possibly move? He's DEAD, isn't he?" And he gave the corpse a prod with one fat forefinger.
The corpse of Grimbeard the Ghastly snapped straight upright, propelled by some appalling force from within it, yellow eyes popping, dribbly green face contorted in a ghastly grimace.
"Aaaaaargh," gurgled the corpse of Grimbeard the Ghastly, straight into the face of Gobber the Belch.
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screeched Gobber the Belch, jumping quite three feet in the air with his hair and his beard sticking out in all directions with the shock of it.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" yelled the rest of the Tribe.
For while Hooligans do indeed laugh in the face of Death and spit in the eye of the Great Typhoon, they have a morbid fear of the SUPERNATURAL.
Stoick dived underneath the table with his arms over his head in the vague belief that if he couldn't see IT, IT couldn't see HIM.
Seawater poured out of the coffin. The corpse of Grimbeard the Ghastly made disgusting choking noises. The veins on its popping yellow eyes stood out, its grey mouth quivered horribly.
Only Old Wrinkly remained calm.
"Don't panic," said Old Wrinkly, "this is NOT the corpse of Grimbeard the Ghastly...."
Hiccup had frozen in sheer terror. But he trusted Old Wrinkly, and he opened his eyes.
Nobody else took any notice whatsoever. They went on panicking like crazy.
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[Image: Gohher the Belch jumped quite three feet in the air with the shock of if.]
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"Woden preserve me from the terminally stupid," muttered Old Wrinkly under his breath, and he started yelling, as this was the only language the Hooligans really understood. "DON'T PANIC! THIS IS NOT THE CORPSE OF GRIMBEARD THE GHASTLY!"
As he yelled he patted the corpse-that-wasn't-a-corpse hard on the back. Seawater spluttered out of it in all directions, gushing out of its nose and ears and mouth.
It wasn't the corpse of Grimbeard the Ghastly. Now that it had recovered from its coughing fit, it was clearly a tall, good-looking man, very much alive, if a little green from the effects of the seawater.
"So ...," said Stoick, from under the table, "that is DEFINITELY NOT the corpse of Grimbeard the Ghastly?"
