Double Clutch - Реинхардт Лиз (хороший книги онлайн бесплатно .TXT) 📗

Finally, there was nothing else I could do to stall. And just when I was getting desperate, the phone rang.

“Jake,” I said automatically, but it wasn’t Jake.

“Brenna.” The voice on the other end slurred.

“Saxon?” My head spun. Why was he calling so late? I could hear music and laughing and yells in the background. “Where are you?”

“Partying. His voice was heavy and angry around the word. “I want you.”

“Enough,” I hissed. “I’m with Jake, I love him. I don’t love you.”

He laughed, a hard sound. “I don’t love you either.” He had obviously been drinking. “I just want you.”

“I’m hanging up now.” I was irritated I hadn’t checked the number before I dove for the phone.

“What if I change my mind about telling Jake?” he threatened.

I thought about how brave Jake had been, telling me about the things he had done that made him so ashamed. I listened, and Jake thanked me for not judging. But I had been full of shit.

I judged him. I looked down my nose at him, while I did the same and worse. When Jake had slept with those girls, he hadn’t had anyone to care about. He hadn’t had me.

But I had Jake. And I was gutless. I was letting things go too far with Saxon. I was letting my fascination with someone sick and warped potentially ruin the best thing I had ever had with anyone.

“Tell him.” There was no fear when I said it. I even laughed at him. “But I know you won’t. If you don’t have it to hold over my head, you won’t have any power over me, will you? You’re counting on Jake being so pissed at me that he breaks up. You’re counting on me running to you.”

“Jake will be pissed,” Saxon slurred. “And I will be here.”

“You’ve always underestimated Jake.” I shook my head. “So have I. We’re the stupid ones. Because Jake is stronger and braver and more honest than either one of us. I’ve been scared to tell him, but that’s because I’ve been expecting him to react the way I would.”

Saxon laughed right back at me. “He will, Bren. Jake’s only human, no matter how much you want to make him into some kind of damn saint. He’s going to do what a human guy would do. He’s going to dump you.” The last words came out in a sneer.

“No he won’t.” I refused to let Saxon burrow in my head. This was his favorite game, and I had to keep that in perspective.

His voice was dark and mean. “Try it. And when it all falls apart, I’ll be here. Waiting for you. ‘Cause you and me, we’re the same kind of people. We don’t deserve anybody but each other.”

I clicked the phone off and chucked it on the bed. I hated that I was letting him do this to me. I hated that he made me doubt Jake.

But I doubted. How could I not? I had betrayed Jake’s trust, and I was honest enough to know that even if Saxon and I hadn’t technically done anything to constitute cheating, I had crossed a line that I wasn’t comfortable with. If Jake had done the same things with another girl that I’d done with Saxon, I would have been heartbroken.

I had used Jake’s past against him. I had let him feel guilty for what he had done, and I had used it to justify my own shady conduct.

I realized I had to make a decision for myself. I had to be as brave as Jake had been.

When the phone rang again, I picked up and felt my throat close like I was going to cry.

“Hello? Brenna?” It was Jake’s voice. “Brenna are you there?” He sounded worried, a little wild.

About me.

“Jake.” The tears started. “I need to talk to you.”

“Go ahead, baby,” he said softly. “I’m right here.”

“I don’t think I can do it over the phone. I have to tell you…I have to tell you some things I’m not…I don’t…” By now I was crying so hard, I wasn’t making any sense.

“Calm down. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” The phone clicked off, and I paced my room for the ten longest minutes of my life. Just when I was in control enough to call Jake back and tell him not to worry, I heard a light knock on my window.

I lifted it open, and Jake was there, mud smudged on his face and clothes. He looked panicked. “I got here as soon as I could. Did something happen? Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Where’s your truck?” I glanced out the window.

“I parked down the street, off on the side. No one will see it.” He shivered a little.

“Do you want to come in?” I decided to tell him everything, but not hanging out the window in the freezing night air.

“I’m covered in mud. Your room is totally clean.”

“Leave your clothes under the window, behind the azaleas.”

“The what?” Jake asked, his voice a few feet away.

“The bushes.” I heard him scurry around, and then he hoisted himself as quietly as he could into my bedroom window wearing just his boxers, his shoulders hunched and his body shaking with cold. I ran and grabbed a towel from the bathroom, then wiped him off and led him to my bed. We stood together at the side.

“Are you sure?” His look told me he wouldn’t blame me one bit if I sent him back into the frigid night.

I nodded, even as every fear and nerve in my body screamed at me, telling me this was risky and stupid and would not end well. Thorsten could stick his head in to check on me, Mom could get up and need to see me. But the risks didn’t outweigh the benefits for me.

I pulled the covers back, got into my bed and held my arms out. Jake climbed in next to me, his skin clammy and cold against mine. I wrapped my arms around him, and pulled his body close, cocooning him with my warmth. I ran my fingers through his hair, pressing it back off his face.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked. “Why are you so sad?”

I realized then my eyes stung. Wet sloppy tears trailed down my face. Jake put his hand up to my cheeks and wiped them away as they fell.

“I’ve been a liar to you.” I said the words slowly, so he wouldn’t miss them.

He waited for me to go on, his gray eyes trusting. The only light in my room was from my iPod dock, so there was a blue glow and nothing else.

“Tell me. It’s no good to keep it in.”

He was wise for how young we were, I realized. He was kind and understanding and wise, and I had completely underestimated him. The tears ran faster, and I had this choking sense of fear. I was so afraid I would tell him and I would see those eyes change. I didn’t know how I would be able to stand it if I saw anger and, worse, disappointment. What if he didn’t want to be with me? What if he got so mad he got up and left and that was it? I cried a little harder, and the tears turned into choking sobs.