Double Clutch - Реинхардт Лиз (хороший книги онлайн бесплатно .TXT) 📗

“Brenna.” He smoothed my hair back with big, rough hands. “I’m here for you. Whatever it is, I won’t be mad at you.”

“You…you can’t say that. You can’t…you can’t know that.” I was having a hard time breathing.

“Shh,” he whispered against my ear. “Don’t worry. I do know that. I love you. I can’t be mad at you.”

So I grabbed onto his words and took them at face value. I put my hands over my face because I didn’t have the guts to look at him while I confessed, and I started at the beginning, the day I met Saxon. I didn’t leave anything out. I didn’t smooth over anything. I told him what I felt and thought. A heavy blanket of shame crept over me. I was so wrapped up in my story, I couldn’t pay any attention to Jake’s reactions. The last thing I told him about was Saxon’s call, just before his. I heard him suck his breath in, but he didn’t say a word.

When I was done, there was just silence in the room, deafening, complete silence. I peeled my hands back from my eyes and looked at him in the dim light, holding my breath against my worst fears.

“Jake?” My voice wobbled.

“Yeah?” I heard his voice crack a little. I couldn’t see his face clearly, and I was relieved because I really didn’t want to see him crying.

“Do you want to break up?” I could hear how pathetic and scared my voice was, but I didn’t care. “Because I don’t blame you if you do.”

“No.” He laughed sadly around what were definitely tears. “I, uh, just know how you must feel knowing I was with other people.”

“But you weren’t since we were together.” Even though he couldn’t see my face, I hid it behind my hands in the dark, ashamed of how out of control things had gotten. “You should be so pissed at me right now.”

“I am a little pissed, but I also understand better than you think. And, no, I haven‘t been with anyone else since I met you.” I reached out to touch him. My hand strayed up past his chest and I felt the rapid beat of his heart. “But I fell for you really hard, Bren.”

“I fell for you hard, too. I’m not blaming this on Saxon, but there were a lot of weird situations that I didn’t know how to handle. I messed up, Jake, and he kind of took advantage. He thought I wouldn’t have the guts to tell you, and he kept threatening me with it.”

I felt Jake go rigid. “That asshole. Don’t ever think you can’t tell me. I swear to God, I will never turn my back on you. No matter what.”

“I got pulled into his bullshit. That’s all there is to say, I guess. I thought I was smarter than him, but he’s tricky.” I took a deep breath, because this was the hardest thing for me to admit to Jake. “I also…underestimated you, Jake. I didn’t think I could tell you the truth. And I looked down on you when you told me about all the stuff you’d done with other girls. I thought you didn’t have any self control, but the whole time, I was doing the same thing. And I wasn’t drunk.”

He pulled me close to him. Our faces were just inches apart. “I love you. And I’m glad you trusted me to tell me. I can’t say I’m happy about this, but I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to lie or not tell me something.”

I pressed my mouth to his, suddenly needing to kiss him and feel him against me. Being in my bed with him, under my covers, it felt like we were the only two people who existed on Earth. I forgot about everyone else, forgot about Saxon completely, even forgot Mom and Thorsten. It was just me and Jake in our own little world.

“It feels so good, being here with you.” His voice was husky and deep. He kissed me again, slowly. “You’re really warm.” He sighed and kissed my neck.

“You are too. You are now.” I wrapped my arms around him.

“I don’t want to leave you,” he said, his voice torn.

“Stay for a little bit,” I begged.

I felt him try to get up, but I held on to him. I kissed him and touched him, even though he told me not to. Soon our hands were all over each other, our lips were all over each other and the thought of him leaving was enough to make me feel like I couldn’t breathe. We kept our voices muffled and let our hands move slowly. He didn’t stop me when I moved my hand under his boxers, and when he finished, he laid me on my back, his hands making me squirm and press against him until my body broke into a thousand pieces, and I moaned at the incredible perfection of it. We fell asleep with our faces close, tucked against each other like two puzzle pieces.

Chapter 13

When I opened my eyes, the sky outside my window was gray-pink with dawn. Jake was up and creeping out the window.

“Were you leaving without saying goodbye?”

He started at my voice, then came back to sit next to me. “Yeah. It took me fifteen minutes to scare myself enough to get out of bed. I am not getting caught sneaking in your window the day I’m supposed to meet your mom.” He leaned towards me and kissed me softly. The bed was still warm where he had been. “I’m getting a little addicted to you. It’s hard to leave you.”

“You need to go back to sleep when you get home.” I traced his face with my fingers. “Your race is today.”

“Screw the race.” He grinned and kissed my nose. “Last night was the best night of my life. So far.” He ran his hand over my hair and kissed me again.

“When will you be back?” I held him tight against me.

“You’ll hardly even know I was gone. The race is at ten, so I’ll be here by nine, if that’s okay.” He went to the window and looked down at the muddy clothes. “Just to prepare you, I am going to cry like a baby when I have to put those on.”

“I don’t think I have anything that would fit you. I could grab something of Thorsten’s.”

“No way. Too risky.” He jumped out the window. He shook his delicious, muscled limbs and put his clothes on, jumping up and down with cold. “I’ll see you in a few hours. I love you Bren.”

“I love you, Jake.” I leaned out the window and kissed him, trying not to get choked up as he ran away from me.

It wasn’t even possible to think about going to sleep again, but I wanted to be ready for the day, so I made myself at least lie down and breathe deeply; in twice and out once, my chest rising and falling until I dozed. When I woke up with a start, it was eight. I had an hour to get ready.

I made my bed, and it seemed impossible Jake had been there with me the night before. I felt so good and light after telling him everything. Saxon wasn’t hanging over our heads anymore, and I finally felt like I could breathe easier. I was still feeling a little ashamed I had doubted Jake’s commitment to me, and that I had let Saxon suck me into a web of lies.

I showered and got ready, taking extra long because I was freaking out about the day, and I preferred to focus on getting my mascara on without any clumps than imagining what would happen when Jake and Saxon and I all wound up in one place together later that night.